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January 2011

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Well, i guess, there's something i'd like to get out...

i guess this is sort of like my coming out story. i mean, i'd realized even before that that i like girls. but this made it all more real i guess. and i'm betting that if it hadn't happened, i wouldn't have ever come to terms with everything, and i'd still be pretending to be straight.

so there was this girl. i'd known her since about fourth or fifth grade, but we didn't really start hanging out until about 7th grade. even then, we didn't hang out too much. but she'd call me about her troubles, and sometimes we'd watch movies together. i loved watching movies with her, she was a movie talker. she would make fun of movies for things they'd say or do, or make jokes or replies to things that where said in them. it was always so funny and i miss it a lot. that's when i started realizing how much i liked her.
in eighth grade  we started hanging out more. i practically lived in her house we where so close. i'd stay there for weeks, we'd walk across town to my house so i could shower and change clothes, then we'd spend the rest of the day, and most the night, just walking around town going in stores and wandering, or going back and forth between peoples houses. she would always ask me things like, if i'd done anything with a guy. after a while, she got the point that i hadn't, and wasn't, going anywhere near a guy like that. that's when she started going out with some guy. he smoked pot, but she wouldn't let him smoke around him. i was proud of her for that. i was always trying to keep her from doing stupid stuff. she'd try to steal things that obviously would get her caught and i wouldn't let her. things like that. then she had sex with that guy, and it was her first time, and i remember i was so disgusted when she told me. then there was the pregnancy scare, and he ran off. she was so upset, and i was upset cause she was upset. the one time i let her steal something stupid, there where people staring right at us, but she wanted the sign for her room. i was so happy to see her back to her old self that i let her. and the cops stopped us a few minutes later.
obviously i wasn't allowed to hang out with her after that. i couldn't protect her anymore and she would up letting herself get into pot. after that it was like she was a whole different person. when she got into high school we had French together. but she was almost never there, and when she was she wasn't my Lyss. idk who she was. she barely made it half a year at the high school before she switched to alt school. i've seen her once in two years. and i always wonder how she's doing.
she was the first i ever really cared about like that. anyways i was just thinking about her, and idk. i felt like talking about it but didn't really have anywhere to do so.